Recently someone said all he ever wanted was to be loved back by a girl in the same way he loved her. On the face of it, it's a sadly sweet sentiment, but examining it more closely it's perplexing.
First, there exists the premise that two people's feelings for each other can be perfectly mirrored by the other. Perhaps it is possible for the complex sine waves of their emotions to intersect or overlap periodically, but to stay in perfect harmony indefinitely defies logic or human capacity. So, maybe this isn't exactly what he meant. Maybe he just wanted to know that her feelings for him were as intense and overwhelming and utterly confusing for her as his feelings for her were for him. Fair enough.
But here's the thing, hers were. She told him so repeatedly and in no uncertain terms. But he wanted so much more than just to be loved back. Nothing she gave him was ever enough. Her time, her affection, her trust, her sanity, and nearly her life, but somehow he was still left lamenting that she didn't love him enough. She nearly sacrificed everything for him, but then he had the audacity to throw it back in her face, accuse her of terrible unkindness, and claim he never actually loved her anyway.
This behaviour seems rather psychotic, or at the very least completely and utterly irrational. But what is love if not irrationality manifest? Like a swarm of bees no longer content within the overly crowded confines of the hive, it buzzes about directionless, homeless, awaiting its queen. If she fails to appear, it dies.
The agony we experience when we wish to share another's experience but are unable is visceral. Thinking we are alone, feeling utterly isolated and unable to connect becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy as our tiny tendrils of attachment whither and recoil back into the dark recesses of our delicate souls. We feel forlorn and forget that others continue to hold us in their minds and hearts even when they are not with us or actively engaged. Strength comes from the constant inner mantras of self-love that does not hang on external stanchions.
